kayria_kara (kayria_kara) wrote,
kayria_kara
kayria_kara

Struggling Again

So surprise surprise,I'm struggling again. I just booked an appointment with counselling at my school and I'm terafied for how that might pan out. The last time I went I was okay with it...mostly...maybe not. It was hard to describe. I think I might have just expected so much. And I didn't really want her to solve my problems but to rather give me ways that I could figure it out time and time again as life went on. I went to the office at my school and made the appointment through a phone service. It felt kinda weierd, but mostly because I have phone issues and try to avoid them at all cost.

But anyways, I made the appointment becuase the doctor I went to before kinda strongly suggested that I go through with it after I did this anxiety and depression test. and surprise surprise I have high anxiety and regular depression. The only thing I'm happy about is that it's not severe. Like it was a couple months ago. I've been feeling myself withdraw from people the last few weeks and its funny cause I'm aware of it, and probably strong enough to stop it, but that's what makes this time around different from before. I simple don't care at all. I'm a real horrible person in that sense. It took a few friends to realize that I need to get my act togeether. It was seven months ago that I was planning my death. Saying that here just sounds so scary. I can't seem to figure out why at the moment. But I had it set in my mind that at the end of march I was going to die. I even wrote down a list. Right now Its no where near as bad, and I'm glad for that, but it doesn't seem any easier. Not that my sleep is affected I feel like nothing matters, and that I have no control over anything. I have to go now, my bus is coming, but maybe I'll finish this latter. Till another time; till another moment.

Cheers

M.S.W -To get through this day in one piece.
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