kayria_kara (kayria_kara) wrote,

Yesterday I wanted to kill myself. I right now feel so broken that I'm not sure how I'm fuctioning. I wanted to talk to someone yesterday but no one was there. My roommate helped me out. And of it wasn't for her I might have cut again.

The thought to self harm was so strong. I had. No I have so much hatred and sorrow coursing through me right now. People formatted to me but they do. I've been trying to put up this front. But I'm really broken. So broken. So scared. I cut off myself from the lives of my friends and it blew up in my face. Same with when I did it with my family. I hate feeling so stupid and useless. I shouldn't have cut myself off. I thought I could keep this facade of being strong. So by cutting people off I was supposed to be able to figure it out and act as of I never left. But in my absence I've become broken. Like absolutely broken. I want to drag a blade through my arm. And induce myself in a sleep that's never ending. I needed someone last night and I almost messaged me ex. Like ugh. He would make me feel worse. But can I feel worse then right now. I want Rosie. But I can't yet. I know of two people that it would destroy. And I love them so dearly.

I'm aware I need help. I'm trying to get help. But yesterday. Yesterday moved me back so much. I can't stop crying.

M.S.W--- To fucking get rid of this depression. And I'm sorry everyone.

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