October 21st, 2012

40 day challenge

So this one is going to be quick. I tried to post this on my computer. Or wrote it but that didn't work so I'm on my phone again. Anywho. Here's a quick update on life. I had a coffee date with this guy online and he didn't show. Kinda said but it's okay I guess. Made me feel shitty. But a lot of things do. So stuff with friends is okay. But frankly I'm kinda sick of people. And it has nothing to do with actually friends. But in terms of me. I'm tired of being that go to friend when something is up. And honestly at the end of the day it really is fine but when I need one of my friends to just really give me their time. Show me they care or that they want to help. Like this week for example. I did a shit loud of binging and starving. I tell or hint at people mostly so that they could help me because I didn't want to or I didn't know how. And I know it's being needy. But my friends are the same way too. And so I went for the truth when my friends were telling me a problem. They didn't seem to like that. Well tough love. I'm going though shut too. And again I realize I'm being selfish. But just allow me this for this period. Cause honestly speaking I don't want I her that you and your boyfriend aren't good over something so stupid like he forgot something. Especially after I tell you that I really want to date and that I feel like it won't happen because I'm social akward. I used to think ugly and even though part of me thinks so. I low that I'm actually decent looking. I wouldn't say pretty but I think good looking enough. It's just being a cow and a ducking giant that kinda puts me off. And again I'm working on the self esteem issues. But that's whatever. Right now I'm working on other things. Like this 40 day challenge tht me and my friend are doing. I was telling her that it takes 40 days to break a habit and because we've been having a hard last few weeks we decieded to do something about it. So we each choose five things that we have to do every day for the next 40 days. This being one of mine. I'll post the other stuff tomorrow. And I know I'm cutting it kinda close but what's a girl to do. Okay well she could do uni earlier. But thats whatever. This challenge is pretty much meant to help us get off our ass and figure our shit out. And I intend to do mine alone. I need to stop hating on friends because their so busy living their lives. Like so what if I thought of sucide and self harming this week. Or of this knowing ED tht seems to be edging its way back into my life. It shouldn't be up to my friends to watch out for me when they deal with stuff too so this is my shit to deal with. Anyways. I've ranted enough. Here's a picture from my blog of what my hair looks like after I take out my braids. First pictures is braids second is my hair. Anyone like the change or no?


M.S.W- to complete my 40 day challenge

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